Tools Over Turmoil: Choosing a Better Response

Hello there. Molweni. Molweni 🙂

Happy Monday!

I had a completely different topic planned for this week, but this one found me over the weekend and simply refused to let go. The thought stayed with me, nudging me, and I felt it was something I needed to share.

Toward the end of last week, I found myself feeling anxious about a particular situation. At first, the anxiety felt justified. It was a natural and understandable response given the circumstances. However, as time passed, I noticed that instead of easing, the feeling was growing stronger. What began as a moment of concern slowly turned into a cloud that started to dominate my thoughts, my mood, and even my demeanor.

I could still justify why I felt the way I did, but when that anxiety carried over into the next day, I realized something important: I was allowing it to take control. It was no longer just a reaction to a situation; it was becoming the lens through which I experienced everything else.

Then I had what I can only describe as a light-bulb moment. I suddenly remembered being in a very similar situation a few years ago and responding in almost the exact same way. But the realisation went deeper than that. I had been here before. I had done the work. I had learned valuable lessons and developed tools to manage moments like this, and yet, in the moment, I had somehow thrown those tools out the window.

In that instant, I had to gently call myself to order. I reminded myself, not with criticism but with compassion, that I already have what I need to cope. I have learned, grown, and built strategies to help me navigate uncertainty, stress, and emotional overwhelm. I just needed to pause long enough to remember to use them.

That moment made me realize how easy it is for us to repeat cycles unnecessarily. We often find ourselves reliving the same emotional patterns, not because we haven’t grown, but because in the intensity of the moment, our emotions take over and we forget what we’ve learned. We forget the tools we’ve carefully developed through experience, reflection, and healing.

Taking it a step further, I would even argue that sometimes we prolong the impact of a bad day, a difficult week, or a challenging season because we haven’t fully equipped ourselves with the tools and strategies needed to navigate those moments. And at times, even when we do have the tools, we fail to contextualize what we’re feeling. We don’t pause to evaluate what we are feeling and why we are feeling it.

You may have heard the saying, “It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.” If we applied that same thinking more intentionally, it might save us from carrying moments longer than necessary. What if we reminded ourselves: this isn’t a bad day, it’s just a difficult moment. This isn’t a bad week, it’s just been a hard day.

That simple shift in perspective allows us to choose differently, in the moment and in the ones that follow. More importantly, it prevents us from reliving the same situation over and over, stretching a temporary feeling into something that lingers far longer than it needs to.

All this to say: if we do not intentionally develop tools to help us navigate bad days or tough situations, we may find ourselves sitting in unnecessary emotional turmoil. While we don’t always have control over unpleasant circumstances or difficult moments, we do have control over how we respond to them. And often, that response makes all the difference.

This is why it’s important to regularly “audit” your tools for challenging moments. The most effective time to do this is outside of the actual situation, when you are calm and clear-headed. In those quieter moments, you can think through your approach, remind yourself of what works for you, and create a simple game plan. Then, when the moment arrives, you don’t have to start from scratch, you simply apply what you’ve already prepared.

So, let’s take a moment to audit together, below are some questions that can help you kick start your audit:

• What tools do I have for an uncomfortable situation where I feel misunderstood?

• What tools do I have for a moment when I realize I’ve made a mistake but still have a full workday ahead of me?

• What tools do I have for a confrontational moment that begins to get out of hand?

• What tools do I have for an overwhelming moment when I suddenly receive an urgent task or issue?

• What tools do I have for processing a bad day?

• What tools do I have for a situation where I am waiting on news or feedback?

• What tools do I have for speaking in front of an audience or presenting my work?

• What tools do I have for processing failure?

• What tools do I have for processing disappointment after a difficult day?

These are simply prompts to get us thinking more intentionally about how we want to respond in such moments, and what support we need to put in place ahead of time. When we prepare in this way, we are less likely to spiral because of one moment, one interaction, or one difficult day.

This approach allows us to take ownership of our emotions, our responses, and ultimately our well-being. It empowers us by reminding us that we always have a choice. We may not be able to control every situation, but we can decide how long we stay there emotionally, and how we move forward. We do not have to be ruled by our feelings or our circumstances, we can learn to lead ourselves through them.

At the end of the day, life will always present us with unexpected challenges, stressful moments, and difficult days. What matters most is not the presence of these moments, but how we choose to meet them. By developing our tools, auditing our strategies, and pausing to respond intentionally, we give ourselves the gift of agency over our emotions and our experiences. We remind ourselves that while we cannot control everything, we can control how we show up, and that choice can transform not just a moment, but our entire perspective. So, as you move through your week, take a moment to reflect: What tools will you rely on when life gets challenging, and how will you choose differently in such moments?

Audit your toolbox; your nervous system will thank you, and your overall well-being will be better for it.

Have an intentional and blessed week.

Lots of love,

Zizo