We're Going to Need More Coffee...

Hello there. Molweni, Molweni :)

I am so grateful for this long weekend. I needed to unplug. What I did not anticipate was catching the flu😭. I am on the mend though and will likely be back to myself soon. I hope that you guys are well and keeping warm.

This week, I have a few thoughts I want to share. These are things I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately. My thoughts might be a bit scattered, but I hope we’ll find each other somewhere in the middle.

The common thread I want to explore is how who we are (how we grew up, where we grew up, and our past experiences) influences the way we show up in the world, and sometimes, how we end up selling ourselves short.

I’d love for us to start reflecting on these things and maybe even identify areas where we need to unlearn or do some inner work. Like I said, I’ve got thoughts, and we’re definitely going to need more coffee for this one...

Communication and the ability to communicate well is one of the key skills that can truly propel and advance your career. What’s interesting, though, is that communication is deeply shaped by who we are and the experiences we've had. This isn’t always easy to recognize. The connection between how we show up and who we are isn’t always obvious; but it’s often there, quietly influencing how we speak, what we say, and what we hold back.

I remember early in my career struggling to articulate myself and be assertive. I was usually one of the youngest people in the room, and often one of only two women. It took me a long time to find my voice and feel confident in it. What I didn’t realize at the time was how much I had internalized the dynamics I grew up with, especially around age and gender. I hadn’t yet learned to separate those dynamics from what was required of me in the workplace, where clarity, confidence, and speaking up at the right time are essential.

Sometimes, we hold back on important contributions because we’re afraid to have an opposing opinion or we haven’t yet built the skill to stand by our ideas and think independently out loud. And maybe it’s not about how you were raised, but rather a specific moment when you did speak up, and it didn’t go well. Since then, you’ve opted for silence, convinced it’s safer. But here’s the truth: your silence is not serving your career.

It’s worth pausing to ask: What shaped this version of me, and is it working for where I want to go? If not, what needs to shift?

On the other side of the spectrum, there are also those who are quick to argue or push back; sometimes just for the sake of being heard. That, too, is something to reflect on. Is your communication driven by curiosity and collaboration, or by the need to be right or seen?

The goal isn’t to be passive or overly combative, it’s to become an effective communicator. And that lives in the space between those extremes. It’s in the self-awareness, the intentionality, and the willingness to grow.

Our relationship with failure is an interesting one. How we process it is often shaped by who we are and the experiences we've had. One of the biggest, often invisible, stumbling blocks is the inability to separate failure from our sense of self-worth. When we equate the two, we end up holding onto our failures far longer than necessary.

For me, one of the reasons I struggled with failure in adulthood was that I never developed a healthy relationship with it growing up. I avoided failure at all costs and was incredibly hard on myself when it did happen. My parents, in their own way, tried to teach me that failure isn’t the end of the world, but the systems I was exposed to daily (especially school) didn’t reinforce that. Instead of offering a soft landing, they often treated failure as something final and shameful, rather than as a part of growth.

So, as an adult, it became difficult to experience failure without internalizing it as if failing at something meant I was a failure. But the truth is, failure can be one of our greatest teachers. The problem is, many of us linger in the shame of it too long, missing the lesson. We let failure define us, instead of inform us. We stop trying. We shrink ourselves.

This mindset can quietly limit us in our careers. Some people hold back from raising their hand for new roles or opportunities because they believe others only see them through the lens of past mistakes; ignoring the solid track record of good work they’ve built.

It might sound cliché, but there’s real value in embracing the idea of “failing fast.” It’s a principle widely encouraged in entrepreneurship and innovation and it deserves space in corporate environments too. Behind most unrealized pursuits is fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of not measuring up.

• What roles have you turned down, or never gone for, because you were afraid to fail?

• What ideas have you held back because you feared they wouldn’t land?

• And just as importantly, what has failure taught you when you allowed yourself to really learn from it?

Before I let you go, the last thought I want to touch on is our relationship with conflict and how we choose to manage it. This too is deeply shaped by who we are, how we were raised, environments we've been exposed to and past experiences. Whether we tend to avoid conflict, shut down in the face of tension, or confront it head-on, these patterns don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re often rooted in past experiences and learned behaviours. And while they may have served us at one point, they can start to limit us; especially in the workplace, where navigating conflict effectively is crucial for growth, leadership, and collaboration.

Effective conflict management isn’t about avoiding disagreement; it’s about learning how to engage with it in a way that is constructive rather than combative. Avoiding conflict isn’t the same as managing it. In fact, avoidance can allow issues to simmer beneath the surface, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, and missed opportunities for clarity or growth. It's also important to be mindful of how we carry our conflict habits from our personal lives into our professional spaces. Just because silence or withdrawal worked to keep the peace at home doesn’t mean it will serve you well in a team environment where clarity and direct communication are essential. It starts with understanding your default conflict resolution style; do you lean toward avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, or collaboration? Once you become aware of your tendencies, you can begin to build the emotional intelligence, communication skills, and confidence needed to approach difficult conversations with clarity and kindness. Managing conflict well not only strengthens working relationships but also shows maturity, leadership potential, and a commitment to shared success.

If you've made it this far, thank you for sitting with these thoughts. As you can tell, I’ve had a lot on my mind... Whether we’re talking about how we communicate, how we handle failure, or how we show up in conflict, one thing is clear: who we are and where we’ve been shape so much of how we move through the world. But the good news is, with self-awareness and intention, we can unlearn, grow, and redefine. So if any of this stirred something in you, sit with it. Reflect. Talk it out. And yes, pour another cup...we’re definitely gonna need more coffee to unpack further.

Have an intentional and blessed week. See you next week😊.

Lots of Love,

Zizo